Me.

So, crazily enough, you somehow stumbled onto my blog.  Whether you're here by choice, or by accident...It doesn't really matter to me.  Maybe you care, maybe you don't.  But I don't care, I can dig the whole "stumbled-upon-it-by-accident" thing, I guess.  So I guess, before I really get into this whole blog thing, it's probably in order to explain to you...about me.

Hm, where to start.  (Isn't it funny, that you know yourself better than anyone, but you just can't describe yourself?)  Well, I could tell you how wonderful I am, and boast about my intelligence and all that...But, I'm a realist, so I'll tell you the truth. 

You've probably already figured that I am a girl (gal, chick, woman, lady, ma'am).  Whatever you call girls, that's what I am.  I'm at the very young age of (almost) 17.  I walk this Earth, trying to find the answers to things, that, maybe no one can answer.  I try to understand things...that normally are very surreal, or bizzare to me.  

I'm constantly changing my style, as you will find, if you know me in real life.  Maybe it has to do with my need for change.  You heard me right.  Change.  The very thing many people fear.  The thing that sends us into spiraling depression, that thing that breaks our hearts, and tells us to turn around and go the other way.  Well, me?  I can't live without it (change, that is).  

In every sense, I'm not exactly what you'd call perfect.  But I suppose, that no one ever really reaches true perfection.  

Health-wise, I'm far from anything even remotely close to being flawless.  I have had chronic asthma since I was born.  And, back in '08 (when I was still in 8th grade/freshman year of high school), I developed severe depression (to the point I was suicidal), which eventually evolved into Bipolar Disorder.  Yes, I still deal with it every day of my life, and I will for the rest of the time I'm living here on Earth.

I don't think I'm the best person ever.  In fact, I kind of hate myself.  I have a big problem with jealousy.  No, not the jealous-of-material-items kind of jealousy.  Real, true, murderous envy.

Generally speaking, I'm treated like garbage by most people.  If you don't realize it, most things people say affect me.  I take in everything that's said to me, and I'll rework it in my mind, over and over, either until I'm tired of thinking about it, or I've come to a conclusion, whichever comes first.  I completely over-analyze everything.

Yes, I have been in an verbally/emotionally abusive relationship, although the person who did it, probably won't ever admit it.  Or in fact, he will flat out deny it.  But no matter, I believe with all my heart, that what he has done, has really exacerbated everything that's negative about me.  I have written many angry letters that will never be sent, countless pages of poetry, and many nasty words have come out of my mouth.  All about him.  

And... most importantly... 

I have been in love a total of 3 times.  First time, rejected.  Second time, abused.  Third time...has been a year and counting.  And, it has been one of the most wonderful years I have ever had, and I look forward to the years to come.

Well, maybe now you know a little bit about me.  

Maybe you...

still don't know me at all.

-Jen